I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
