Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
