So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
