goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
