Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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