at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
