would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
