your parents love me but you hate me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
