She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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