Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
