omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
