dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
