Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
