Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
