There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
