I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i drank out of a bidet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
