Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
