gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
