Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
