Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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