saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
