Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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