so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
