did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
