Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize