My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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