Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
