i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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