Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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