update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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