Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
