you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
