She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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