Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
