I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
