all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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