I wish I only lived at night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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