you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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