the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
