Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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