So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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