nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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