All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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