Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
