Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
