Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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