you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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