you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
