You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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