He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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