Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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