i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
