there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
