Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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