and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
