I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
