in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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