My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
