six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
