We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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