we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize