this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
