You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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