So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
