It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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