Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
