Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
